Faith in humanity

At lunchtime today I popped into M&S at Kingston, Milton Keynes to grab some lunch, as I frequently do. I chastised myself as I walked from the car for walking with my head down, but decided that since I was feeling a bit miserable, I might as well. I got in there, sighing as I had to dodge a carelessly abandoned toddler, grabbed a salad and a box of fruit, noticed the 5 items or less checkouts were closed, and joined the nearest queue.

There were 2 people in front of me, both with medium sized loads of shopping. When the women immediately in front of me finished loading hers onto the belt, she turned around to put her basket in the rack, and saw me, clutching my two items. She then insisted I go in front of her, shoving her shopping back a bit to make space, and putting in an extra 'next customer please' divider for me. I was touched, and thanked her profusely. About 30 seconds later, I realised I was standing in line smiling to myself still. Then, the woman working at the checkout greeted me with great ethusiasm (I go in there fairly regularly, but still, it was appreciated) and as I left wished me a good day with such sincerety I could have wept. I continued smiling all the way back to my car, ignoring how embarassing smiling at nothing while walking through a car park made me.

The lesson is thus... even when you lose faith in humanity, there's always M&S. Comforting to know.

Refreshingly honest approach

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more the engrish!

iPod Recently Played for the last week

Between working and moving house I've not really been blogging much. Oh, and my increasing misanthropy probably doesn't help!

Break Me Gently - Doves
Keep On, Keepin' On - MC Lyte
Pluto - Bjork
Go On Move - Reel 2 Real feat The Mad Stuntman
Suffocate - Feeder
Ain't No Player - Jay-Z feat Foxy Brown
Coming Right Along - The Posies
Numb (Live Lounge) - Jamelia
Circles, Squares And Lines (Live) - Symposium
Soul-Crusher - White Zombie
Only In Dreams - Ash
Wide Open Space - Mansun
Day & Night - Billie Piper
Serial Killa - Snoop Dogg
What's The Reason - John Trower
Sandstorm (Radio Edit) - Darude
Kiss Kiss (Stargate R&B Mix) - Holly Valance
At My Most Beautiful - R.E.M.
Bound 4 Da Reload (Casualty) - Oxide & Neutrino
Taste In Men (Alpinestars Kamikaze Skimix) - Placebo
Wannabe (Motiv 8 Vocal Slam Mix) - Spice Girls
It Don't Hurt - Sheryl Crow
Don't Chase Your Demons - Vigilance Black Special
Gotta Get Thru This - Daniel Bedingfield
Substance (Felix Da Housecat Remix) - Dot Allison with Miss Kittin
Team Theme - bis
Friday I'm In Love - The Cure
Much Love - Shola Ama
A Little Less Sixteen Candles, A Little More "Touch Me" - Fall Out Boy
Swigging Echinacea - The Free French
Homer's Barbershop Quartet (Medley) - The Simpsons
Robotic (Adult. Almost Instrumental Mix) - bis
Dept. Of Her Ways - Fake Brain
I Am Hell - White Zombie
This Scene Is Dead - We Are Scientists
Easy (Album Version) - Emiliana Torrini
For Your Eyes Only - Blondie
This Year's Love (Strings Remix) - David Gray
Hanging On The Telephone - Blondie
Untitled (Live In LA) - Blink-182
One More Thing - Richard Gibbs
Do You Sleep? - Lisa Loeb & Nine Stories
L'Amoureuse - Indochine
Downer - Nirvana
Fly Away (Bye Bye) (Radio Oooooooh Edit) - Eyes Cream
Big Bang Theory Theme - Barenaked Ladies
We Are Your Friends (Radio Edit) - Justice vs Simian
Kick Out The Jams - MC5
Don't Think I'm Not (Hip Hop Remix) - Kandi
Nakasaki (I Need A Lover Tonight) - Ken Doh
Pretty In Pink - Psychedelic Furs
All Day & All Of The Night - Ex-Rental
I Love You Suzanne - Lou Reed
B.R.A.S.S.Y. - Brassy
All Black - Good Charlotte
London Calling - The Clash
Hour Of Need - Faithless
No Regrets - Robbie Williams
Hold Me (Radio Edit) - Savage Garden
Short Dick Man (Insane Mix) - 20 Fingers
Not Fade Away (Live) - Jon Bon Jovi
Bad Babysitter - Princess Superstar feat High & Mighty
Goodbye Suzie - John Howard
Come Around - M.I.A. feat Timbaland
All Star - Smash Mouth
Please, Please, Please, Let Me Get What I Want - Muse
Sun Goes Down - David Jordan
You Don't Care About Us (Radio Edit) - Placebo
The Anthem - Good Charlotte
Until The Time Is Through - Five
The Kill - 30 Seconds To Mars
Lay Low - Alisha's Attic
Here Comes The Sun - Steve Harley & Cockney Rebel
Paper Planes - M.I.A.
Love Like Ours - Elastica
Satellite - Smash Mouth
Come Fly With Me - Frank Sinatra
Acquiesce - Oasis
Party Hard - Andrew WK
Where Love Lives (Dancing Divaz Mix) - Alison Limerick
Target - Pi
Apollo 9 - Adam Ant
Resuscitation - Sheryl Crow
Come Together (Hypnotone Brain Machine Mix) - Primal Scream
The Man Who Sold The World - Nirvana
If I... - Natty
Canary Bay - Indochine
Glorious - Andreas Johnson
It's My Life - Dr Alban
Thank You For The Venom - My Chemical Romance
It Feels So Good - Sonique
Ladykillers - Lush
Faster - Manic Street Preachers
Ain't No Rest For The Wicked - Cage The Elephant
The Hill, The View & The Lights - Cajun Dance Party
Young Love - Mystery Jets feat Laura Marling
I Like You So Much Better When You're Naked (Single Mix) - Ida Maria
Watch Me Fall Apart - Hard-Fi
Elevator - Flo Rida feat Timbaland
LOL - Little Jackie
Under The Thumb - Amy Studt
Uncle Jonny - The Killers
Boyfriend - Alphabeat

iPod Recently Played for the last week

Oh, Pretty Woman - Roy Orbison
Disgusting - Mansun
You Don't Understand Me - Roxette
Slackerbitch - Placebo
Stutter - Elastica
I'd Be Surprisingly Good For You - Evita Original Soundtrack
Swords Of Truth - These New Puritans
My My Metrocard - Le Tigre
Wishing Heart - Lisa Loeb
Je t'attends - Axelle Red
Air & Angels - Alisha's Attic
Song 2 - My Chemical Romance
Frankly, Mr Shankly - The Smiths
Rien Que D'Y Penser - Axelle Red
Stretch Out And Wait - The Smiths
Hallelujah - Jeff Buckley
Something That You Said - The Bangles
I'd Never Write A Song About You - Wheatus
Push It All Aside - Alisha's Attic
I Heard It Through The Grapevine - The Slits
Aeroplane - Bjork
I Can't Help Myself - Lucid
Shotgun - The Charlatans
Boogaloo De Johnny (Quantic Remix) - Johnny Pacheco
London - The Smiths
Everywhere All Over - Lali Puna
Wondering - Good Charlotte
Maxou - Vanessa Paradis
Underneath It All - No Doubt feat Lady Saw
Special Kind Of Something - Kavana
Think Twice - Celine Dion
She's Got Issues - The Offspring
Kiddy Grinder - Marilyn Manson
Moonlight Shadow - Mike Oldfield
No Letting Go - Wayne Wonder
Freak Like Me - Sugababes
Secret Smile (Live) - Semisonic
Enola Gay - OMD
Leavin' Again - Steve Poltz
Pieces Of The Night - Gin Blossoms
Waterfalls - TLC
Galapogos - The Smashing Pumpkins
A Thousand Words - Northern State
I'm Not Down - The Clash
Mexicola (Live) - Queens Of The Stone Age
Thief Of Hearts - Madonna
Nat West-Barclays-Midlands-Lloyds - Manic Street Preachers
New Sensation - The Guy Behind The Guy
Skinny Love - Bon Iver
Someday I'll Find You - Shola Ama with Craig Armstrong
If You Want Me Back (Live & Acoustic From The Kashmir Klub) - Alisha's Attic
Oxygen (Live At The 100 Club, London) - JJ72
Fell In Love With A Girl - Diff'rent Stripes
Golden Lights - The Smiths
Rippin' Kittin (Ellen Allien Remix) - Goldenboy with Miss Kittin
Going Missing (Live Lounge) - Maximo Park
We Are The Boys - Mansun
The Drowners - Suede
Take What You Take - Lily Allen
Cold Rock The Mic - Apollo 440
Left Of Centre - Suzanne Vega
If You Only Knew - California Dreams
40 Past Midnight - Ocean Colour Scene
Little Arithmetics - dEUS
Elephant Love Medley - Nicole Kidman, Ewan McGregor & Jamie Allen
Don't Wait Up - Catch
The Hallway - Pi
A Doodle New - Mokita
Tom's Diner (Original Version) - Suzanne Vega
Sophia - Nerina Pallot
The Model - Kraftwerk
Go Your Own Way - Fleetwood Mac
Guacamole (Live) - Super Furry Animals
Ladyflash - The Go! Team
Kevin Carter - Manic Street Preachers
Get With It - Human Waste Project
Who's Gonna Kiss That Man - Marisa Turner
The Battle - Gladiator Original Score
Heaven - Talking Heads
Shame For You - Lily Allen
For Every Lie - The Starfirefive
Playboy - Mo-Ho-Bish-O-Pi
Making A List - The Free French
Action Figure - Lambchop
Zealots - The Fugees
Columbia - Oasis
"Would You...?" (Homewreckers Mix) - Touch And Go
Circles - DON-e
Big Isn't Beautiful - King Adora
About Funk - Les Rythmes Digitales
Long Gone - Goatsnake
Electric Demons In Love - Electric Six
Sing A Song (187 Lockdown's Vocal Mix) - Byron Stingily
Right Here - SWV
Daddy - Jewel
An End Has A Start (Live Lounge) - Editors
It's A Fast Drivin' Rave Up With The Dandy Warhols Sixteen Minutes (Live) - The Dandy Warhols
I Can Only Disappoint U (LP Mix) - Mansun
Here Comes Your Man - Pixies
Twisty Bass - Neil Finn
M.E.X.I.C.O. - The Kills
The Backdoor Payoff - Manchild
Outrageous - Artful Dodger
Short Dick Man (Bass Mix) - 20 Fingers
I'm Outta Love (Radio Edit) - Anastacia
Candy - Iggy Pop & Kate Pierson
Agoraphobic Tendencies - TICOIA
Weak - Skunk Anansie
Dimstar - Gay Dad
School's Out - Soul Asylum
More Than This - Roxy Music
Miracle - Paramore
Pearly-Dewdrops' Drops - Cocteau Twins
Easy (Tore Johansson Mix) - Emiliana Torrini

Emo LOLCat

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Conversation Snippet #1

Boyfriend's Mum: I'm surprised you don't make him shave it all off. [referring to my boyfriend's hair]
Boyfriend: She doesn't want me to do that
Boyfriend's Mum: But your dad doesn't have any hair, does he?
Me: But I don't want to go out with someone who looks like my dad!

I have always joked about inbreeding in Wellingborough. I am now seriously concerned.

iPod Recently Played for the last week

I've just downloaded some salsa remixes... I'm diversifying. Anyway, this week....

Viva La Vida - Coldplay
Waiting For Wednesday - Lisa Loeb & Nine Stories
You Got Nothing On Me - The Glitterati
The Way You Wear Your Head - Nada Surf
It's A Girl Thing - My Life Story
Next Time Round - Lokomotiv
Make Mistakes - Infadels
Gas 126 - Kiki
I Wanna Be The Only One - Eternal with Bebe Winans
Where Has The Love Gone? - Kylie Minogue
Goody Two Shoes - Adam Ant
The Ballad Of Tom Jones (Sound 5 Mix) - Space & Cerys Matthews
Sexy Boy - The Kinky Boyz feat Kia
Pinch Me - Barenaked Ladies
Only Love Can Break Your Heart - Saint Etienne
Barrel Of A Gun - Depeche Mode
Ocean Spray - Manic Street Preachers
Sartre On The Stage - Astariel
Wake Up - Alanis Morissette
Freaking Out - Graham Coxon
Suedehead - Morrissey
Celebrity Skin (LP Version) - Hole
My Prerogative - Bobby Brown
Total Eclipse Of The Heart - Bonnie Tyler
Short, Short Man - 20 Fingers feat Gillette
Happiness/The Gondola Man - Elliott Smith
Get Along With You (Bump & Flex Radio Edit) - Kelis
Give Me Rhythm - Black Connection
Love Will Tear Us Apart (Permanent Mix) - Joy Division
Pretty Baby - Blondie
How Bizarre - OMC
Elephant Man - Suede
Word Love - Rhianna
Against All Odds (Definitive Mix) - Deja Vu feat Tasmin
Un Ete Pour Rien - Axelle Red
When You Come Back To Me - Jason Donovan
Crosstown Traffic - Jimi Hendrix
The Theme From Get Carter - Tyler Bates
Love Is Power - Metrosexuality Cast
Bellissima - DJ Quicksilver
Ce Soir - Kyo
Baby Boy - Beyonce feat Sean Paul
Isolation - Joy Division
Put 'Em High - Stonebridge feat Therese
Slow Down - Smashing Pumpkins
Strung Out - Wendy & Lisa
So In Love With You (Full Intention Mix) - Duke
Rape Me - Nirvana
Gramarye - Remy Zero
Feel The Beat (Radio Edit) - Darude
Take A Bow - Madonna
Little Fluffy Clouds - The Orb
Bongos, Bleeps & Basslines - Zero dB
Sunshine Superman - SpaceStation
Days Before You Came - Placebo
It's So Easy (Live) - Manic Street Preachers
Hideaway (187 Lockdown's Hidden Vocal Dub) - De'Lacy
Happyland - Pi
The Time Warp - Rocky Horror Picture Show Original Cast
Under Pressure - David Bowie & Queen
Try (Just A Little Bit Harder) (Live) - Janis Joplin
Once Around The Block (Andy Votel Remix) - Badly Drawn Boy
Flipside - The Panda Gang
Running Away - DumDums
Dreamer - Livin' Joy
Don't Let Me Be The Last To Know - Britney Spears
Push (Acoustic) - Matchbox 20
My Sweet Rose - Rachel Stamp
Hands Of Death (Burn Baby Burn) - Rob Zombie & Alice Cooper
Not The Doctor - Alanis Morissette
Don't Trust The Ones You Love - King Adora
Intro - Eve
The Only One I Know - The Charlatans
The End... - Pfilbryte
Stay With Me Till Dawn - Judy Tzuke
I'm Coming Out - Amerie
Dive In - Catch
A Constant Looming Uncertainty - The Unquiet Void
Dead Cell (Live Radio 1 Evening Session) - Papa Roach
Les Dessous Chics - Jane Birkin
Don't Fight It, Feel It - Primal Scream
Sandstorm - Darude
Three MC's And One DJ - Beastie Boys
Come Out Swinging - The Offspring
Myself - Taproot
A Change Would Do You Good - Sheryl Crow
Easily - Red Hot Chili Peppers
He Hit Me (And It Felt Like A Kiss) - Hole
Son Of A Gun - Nirvana
She's A Star - James
Waltzing Along - James
Cruel To Be Kind - Letters To Cleo
Hot Topic - Le Tigre
Kissing My Song - Indochine
Jesus Says - Ash
Be My Yoko Ono - Barenaked Ladies
Take It Easy Chicken - Mansun
Baby One More Time - Travis

Q Awards Nominations

Well, the Q Awards shortlists are out and voting has started on their website. It boils down thus:

Best New Act
Fleet Foxes
Glasvegas
The Ting Tings
The Last Shadow Puppets
Vampire Weekend

For me, this one had Vampire Weekend in third place, The Last Shadow Puppets in second, and The Ting Tings in first. See, I know that LSP are far more credible, and their work is pretty damn genius and beautiful. But The Ting Tings are so damn catchy. Wouldn't lose sleep if LSP won though. The muso part of my brain tells me they should. It's my inner 10 year old voting Ting Tings.

Best Track
Spiralling - Keane
Mercy - Duffy
Violet Hill - Coldplay
I Kissed A Girl - Katy Perry
That's Not My Name - The Ting Tings

Process of elimination this one, for me. Not heard the Keane track, and doubt it's that exciting. Coldplay's Violet Hill doesn't really do a lot for me. Katy Perry should be shot and I have no idea how she ended up on this list. So that leaves Duffy and The Ting Tings, both of which I bought as singles, both of which have been played to death so I'm slightly bored of them but loved originally, therefore I had to use another factor for determining the winner in my book. So The Ting Tings won because Duffy looks like one of the leprechauns off Live & Kicking.

Breakthrough Artist
Duffy
Adele
Santogold
Bon Iver
Gabriella Cilmi

To be honest, I didn't jump up and down excitedly at this list. I like all of the candidates but it's just 'like'. Gabriella Cilmi has an air about her that's somehow unnerving for one so young (a bit like a 15 year old hooker who's already an old pro). Bon Iver... it's ok. Adele has an amazing voice, and has brough out some great tracks, but does look like she was created by Jim Henson. Duffy's presence, talented as she is and much as I love the retro kitsch of her music, is starting to annoy. Santogold is innovative and probably should win. And I probably should give Duffy another chance, so one of those two would be fine by me. Who would I like to have seen in this list? I've never been clear on what constitutes 'Breakthrough'... I like Little Jackie. It's all very pop though. Has there been no good new indie or rock bands coming through?

Best Video
Ready To The Floor - Hot Chip
Violet Hill - Coldplay
That's Not My Name - The Ting Tings
A-Punk - Vampire Weekend
Happiness - Goldfrapp

I struggle with music videos as I don't watch music television. I have my favourites (Mansun's Taxloss, OK Go's Here It Comes Again, Prodigy's Smack My Bitch Up, MCR's I'm Not Okay, Pascal Obispo's Fan) but most of them I find to be boring. It's like album covers. You have ones you notice, ones that are classics, ones that appeal to you as more than a promo shot, but the majority are just there. Anyway, on this one I'm going for Hot Chip... simply because I like watching them as they don't look like they make the music they make (if that makes sense).

Best Album
Viva La Vida Or Death And All His Friends - Coldplay
Fleet Foxes - Fleet Foxes
The Age Of The Understatement - The Last Shadow Puppets
Vampire Weekend - Vampire Weekend
Dig!!! Lazarus, Dig!!! - Nick Cave And The Bad Seeds

To cut a long story short, I haven't heard Fleet Foxes, or any of Nick Cave's new stuff. I consider Coldplay to be musical wallpaper, pleasant enough in the background, and despite a fondness for the title track, I'm not that enthused. Vampire Weekend have grown on me considerably, but I think fair's fair and Last Shadow Puppets have to have this one.

Best Live Act
Kaiser Chiefs
Kings Of Leon
Nick Cave And The Bad Seeds
The Verve
Rage Against The Machine

I have watched live footage of all of these, but not seen any of them live that I can recall. So I'm basing this on BBC2 and Channel 4's portrayal of things. Kings Of Leon would be my favourite, with RATM a close second. If we were talking The Verve a few years back, then maybe, but there's no point giving them the award anyway as they'll have split up again by the time we get to the actual event (until one of them runs up their overdraft again and then it'll be new album time).

Best Act In The World Today
Coldplay
Oasis
Muse
Metallica
Kings Of Leon

Now, I'm not sure any one of these is what I would choose, but hey. Given that Metallica have sucked ass for quite some time now, I think it's a shame that they and Oasis only seem to feature due to past glories rather than any current signs of brilliance. Kings Of Leon and Muse however have been consistently good so I pick them, maybe with Muse edging slightly ahead because I rediscovered Showbiz the other day (yes, that would be past glory, but they've managed to maintain it, in my defence).

I remember when these sort of awards ceremonies were packed with bands and artists I liked... now, I just feel mildly indifferent. I would say I'm getting old and out of touch, but a lot of the bands nominated have members who could still be my dad, so that line doesn't work. I want something more exciting than middle aged white guys whining behind their guitars (I should take comfort in the Breakthrough nominees then, so maybe that's something).

Looking ahead, anyone got any tips for next year? What should be on this list in 12 months time?

Do you wanna be in my gang?

Not another Gary Glitter rant, I promise.

Today the government has published guidelines to parents on how to spot whether your child is in a gang. I have always been a big fan of generalised checklists, ever since I was a teenager and, in the post-Columbine hysteria, The Sun newspaper printed one that seemed to 'prove' I was going to carry out a high school shooting based on my taste in music and clothes. This was quite blatantly rubbish, as I never indiscriminately massacred my classmates. I didn't have access to a gun. I did, however, start wearing a long black coat in order to freak everyone out.

Anyway, these guidelines can be found on the DirectGov website here so feel free to peruse. My personal favourites are:

has your child seemed distant or detached from the family?

Holy crap! It's a teenager!

have they started to use new slang words?

Have you considered your child may just be an illiterate moron?

do they have a new nickname?

"Nah mum, it's not Thomas, from now on I wanna be called G-Dawg"

do they have aggressive or intimidating views towards other young people – even old friends?

Oh please, I have that.

has there been a sudden change in appearance – like dressing in a particular style or colour similar to all the other people they hang around with?

Once again, this would differ from every teenager on earth how?

have there been any unexplained physical injuries?

Hey, I went to Weavers. I had unexplained physical injuries all the time. If I'd been in a gang, this would probably have been less likely, not more.

have they started displaying signs of group behaviour: ways of talking and acting in line with other members of the group, or perhaps using hand signs?

Oh yeah, those sign language students, they're badass.

chat rooms and texts can also be used to organise crime or violence

This is a bit like saying 'speaking can be used to organise violence', ignoring the fact it can also be used for a million other things and usually is. Ban your child from speaking, just to be on the safe side. Or listening. That's equally dangerous.

My ideas for reducing gang crime? I accept this may not be 100% foolproof, but as a suggestion, don't raise your kids to be conformist sheep, don't let them wander about wherever they like at all hours, and make them very aware just how much you will make their life hell if they disobey you. If a kid can be bullied into a gang by a peer, it follows they should be able to be bullied out of it by a parent.

Me? Not really a gang person. Don't really like other people. Much more of a lone gunman. :)